Jerk Friends
I’ve said it before, but one of the great things about sending something out into the world is getting replies back. And one of the reasons I’ve leaned in hard to sending out funny stories is because then I get funny stories back. And those make my day.
So it went after I told you about my mentor Bill’s inadvertent Chilean carjacking, and one of the best countersharings from that came from the founder and CEO of Enduring Ventures Chris Fredericks (I’m always surprised by who reads these whatever-they-are). He wrote:
I have four similarly aged guy cousins. When we were all in the 15-17 age range, our families all got together and we decided to go to the local outdoor movie theater. We took my aunt's minivan, a white Chrysler Pacifica. When we got to the theatre, a parking lot, since it was outdoors, it started pouring rain. The youngest of us, my cousin Matt, had to go to the bathroom. He had no rain jacket or umbrella, so he ran to the concrete building combo concession stand and bathrooms in the dark pouring rain as the movie started. Us being jerk high school boys, immediately realized our amazing opportunity: we should move the van to another spot so we can watch him run back in the rain and be confused about why we weren’t there. It would be hilarious! So we moved back one row and a few cars over. While we were already celebrating our victory before he gets back, AN IDENTICAL WHITE CHRYSLER MINIVAN pulls in the exact same spot. We absolutely erupt! It’s the SAME EFFING VAN!!! In our high school boy minds, we hit the lottery.
Hilarity, of course, ensued. Aren’t jerk friends the best?
So since everybody loves funny stories about jerk friends, I am going to tell you this one, which is about my friend and former colleague Joe Maygyer, who I complimented on Wednesday so today I have to give him a hard time.
Way back when, Joe and I traveled to Greece together to learn more about that country’s debt crisis. He got hit by a car during that trip and other things happened, but the punchline came at the end when we left Athens early one morning with a long layover in Munich before flying back to the States. Since we had such a long layover I said to Joe (and Nate, another great friend who was complicit in what I am about to tell you) that we should take advantage and go have lunch at the Hofbrauhaus. (I know that’s touristy, but shut up, tubas and beer are fun.)
We did that and had a great time and drank enough beer that Joe had to go to the bathroom before we paid our check and left. As he got up and excused himself he inexplicably took his wallet and passport out of his back pocket and put them down on the bar. I said to Nate, “Watch this.”
I put Joe’s wallet and passport in my pocket and then we waited.
Joe returned from the bathroom, we ordered one more beer, and then we asked for the check. When it came, I took out my wallet and put down my credit card and Nate took out his wallet and put down his credit card. Then Joe reached for his wallet, but it wasn’t in his back pocket. He began nervously checking other pockets before getting off of his barstool and crawling around on the ground like he had dropped something.
At this point it’s worth noting that prior to this trip to Greece Joe had never been out of the U.S. before. It’s also worth noting that I’m a jerk because I let this play out.
Joe stood up and said, “Guys, I can’t find my wallet or my passport. How am I going to pay? How am I going to get home?”
And I said, “Wow, that’s a pickle.”
“What am I going to do?” Joe said.
“What would you do to get your wallet and passport back?” I asked.
“Anything,” Joe replied.
“Would you pick up the check?”
“Absolutely.”
“Then thank you for lunch.” I said. And I took his wallet and passport out of my pocket and put them back on the bar.
Like the Chilean carjacking story, this is another one I can’t get through without cracking up because who puts their wallet and passport on the bar in a foreign country before getting up to go to the bathroom? And while not doing that is one lesson here, the other, of course, is that jerk friends are the best.
Have a great weekend.
– Tim
